


No rest for the wicked

by kotekru



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 22:09:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21381382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotekru/pseuds/kotekru
Summary: After the events of ST:ID Christine and Nyota reconnect in the hospital waiting room. Over the next few days they get very close as they try to deal with everything that went down.
Relationships: Christine Chapel & Nyota Uhura, Christine Chapel/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!  
This was intended to be one of those fluffy 5+1 fics but ended up as this angsty monstrosity. I'm sorry about that.  
For more details on the warning tags see end notes.

Chris was tired. Actually, exhausted would be a better word. She hasn’t slept, not since the attack. She had thought that being stationed on earth would mean safety, security, normality to the point of boredom, that’s what she wanted, what she liked. She enjoyed helping first and foremost, and here she could do that. Until catastrophe struck, and she was amongst the first responders at what is now called the Vengeance incident.

She was there amongst the ruins of star fleet, she was walking through a cloud of ash, there were screams coming from every direction, scared and injured people were running for their lives all around her, she imagined that this is what hell would be like. Then training kicked in, she waded into the deep end, and amongst the horrors, she did her job. They were set up in tents around the perimeter of the attack, it was the worst kind of chaos, but they worked tirelessly, nonstop for days. They slept on the ground of the tent, with crying children and traumatized people all around them.

It didn’t seem to have an end, but then, just as suddenly as it began it was over. The temporary hospitals were cleared away, the worst injured people taken to the medical facilities all over the state. For the first time in 4 days, she went home. It felt strange, cold and alien. The once warm and inviting space seemed unwelcoming. Shrugging off the feeling she peeled off her bloodied and dirty scrubs and got into the shower. There was no running water, because of the damages to the city, so she settled for a sonic shower. She scrubbed herself as clean as she could, then put on some soft pyjamas and went to bed.

But sleep never came, she tossed and turned the whole night, the horrors of the days past repeating themselves on a loop. Morning came with its harsh lights, she got up and got ready to go to work. It would be okay, she just needed some time, she told herself.

++++

Nyota has been to the hospital every day for the last 5 days, she didn’t want to go, but Spock needed to be here, for Kirk, and she felt that it was her responsibility to be here for him. He clearly didn’t need it and reminded her every day that she didn’t need to come, but she did.

Kirk was her friend, and although she couldn’t make herself look at him in this condition, she came every day. While Spock was in the room with Jim she would sit outside the room and wait. That’s how she met Christine. They knew each other from the academy, but as Christine decided after the Narada incident to stay planetside they lost touch. But now here she stood right before her. She looked awful, not even a shadow of the once joyous and rambunctious person she remembered. Chris stayed with her for a while, she was on her lunch break and haunting the halls instead of eating. She sat down next to Nyota with a heavy sigh.

“Who are you here for?” she asked gently. Nyota told her about Spock and Jim. Of course, no one could know what really happened to Jim, but by now almost everyone knew that the famous Captain Kirk was in a bad way. The only reason his room wasn’t one continuous line of visitors is because McCoy put the fear of God into every single nurse, that only the bridge crew was allowed in there.

After that they sat in silence for a while, once her break was over Chris left her. Nyota was glad to have had some company, the sitting outside and waiting for Jim to wake up was getting harder every day. Spock was becoming more and more closed off, every night when they left together, she could feel the distance growing. She knew what it meant, Spock was closing himself off and it wouldn’t be long until she had to set him free. She just didn’t want to do it until she had no other choice.

Spock was her first real love, he was everything she ever dreamed of, and the thought of losing that was gut-wrenching. She was still thinking about this when Chris came back, “My shift is over.” She said and sat down next to her.

“How are you holding up?” Nyota asked.

“It was… awful. But it's over now.” Chris tried to smile at her, but it fell flat. “How long are you staying?”

“We leave when Leonard kicks him out. Usually, it’s around 20:00.” She shrugged. She’s been slowly wasting away out on this chair, her lover slipping away from her, she felt weak.

Chris nodded and settled in beside her, clearly meaning to stay and wait with her.

“You know I once dated Jim.” Chris started, “He was the sweetest. You know his reputation, the womanizer, the love ‘em and leave ‘em, Casanova. That’s not what he is like.”

Nyota agreed. Jim was nothing like people expected him to be. He was considerate, even at his own expense. She knew that, she also knew that he was in love with Spock, she’s known for months. But he kept it to himself. And he would have kept it a secret much longer too, for Nyota. But then he died, and now it's so clear to see that Spock loves him back, and it breaks her heart. Because now she will have to be the good person, she will have to be kind and allow Spock to be with him.

The tears started falling without her permission, quietly rolling down her face and seeping into her shirt. Chris almost didn’t notice, but then she was there, holding onto her hand and smoothing little circles into her skin and whispering gently into her ear.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Let it all out, sweetheart.” She kept up the soothing mantra until Nyota gave a last little shaky sigh and wiped her tears away. Chris probably thought she was crying about Jim, and she should be. Jim was lying in there, barely alive, and she felt awful for resenting him. He had no more control over this than her.

The thing is, things with Spock have slowed to a halt not long after his planet was destroyed. They loved each other, but they were more like siblings at this point, gone was their passion for each other. It all fizzled out into a kind of love that was safe rather than fulfilling on either part, and she was no longer content with that.

In the end it turned out easy to let him go. That night, when they left Jim, they walked to Nyota’s accommodations, she invited him in and sat him down. It was over quickly, Spock was shocked at first, but he understood. He left with his hands raised in a shaky ta’al, and an averted gaze.

++++

She still went to the hospital after that, but not with Spock. They ran into each other outside Jim’s room, she had been sitting there already when he arrived, they greeted each other with friendly words, then Spock disappeared into the room.

Chris found her again in her lunch break and sat with her. Nyota told her about the breakup, but she didn’t know why. They haven’t talked since the academy, it seemed inappropriate somehow, but she had no one else to tell. Her closest friend other than Spock was lying unconscious in the room behind her. For the first time, she felt the need to go in, to talk to him, even if he couldn’t hear her. Instead, she told Chris, and she held her hand again as she talked, and she had the feeling that she understood. It made her feel lighter, calmed the last doubts in her. Chris was always good like that, she was a great listener, and an even better friend. They talked through Chris’ entire lunch break until she had to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Chris was not surprised to hear that Nyota had broken up with Spock, she has heard the rumours about him and Jim. She was glad though that Nyota handled the whole situation so well. Chris was happy to spend her break reconnecting with her, she had always been a ray of sunshine in her life and it was nice to have that back. But she was tired, she barely slept two hours, and even that was full of horrors and screaming and ash and blood, she was exhausted.

Only the medical-grade stimulants were keeping her going, but that would have her crush and burn soon enough. She just hoped that she would be home when that happened. No one need to know. She knew that she needed to deal with her feelings, but she couldn’t even think about the last few days, she only revisited them in her dreams. It was awful, and it was starting to affect her, she snapped at one of the nurses who accidentally displaced a document that wasn’t even important, and she was losing interest in anything that wasn’t her work.

It was strange, that the only thing she could do was the one thing that reminded her of the events the most, but being here, helping others she felt in control she felt like she had power over the happenings.

She was still thinking about this as she came up to Nyota at the end of her shift. She sat down next to her with a heavy sigh. She didn’t feel like talking, but she reached down and took her hand.

They stayed like this for the rest of the evening, at some point Chris must have dozed off because she was startled awake by the swoosh of the door next to them. She lifted her heavy head from Nyota’s shoulder and looked up to see Spock exiting the room, He had a curious expression on his face, but she had no idea what it meant. He looked somewhere behind her, and she felt like she was intruding, so she extricated her hand from Nyota’s grasp and with a withering smile and a murmured “Good night!” she left them.

She needed to get home anyways. It was already dark and cold outside, so she brought her coat closer around her. She was so lost in thought that she barely realized she had gotten home, once in the warm flat she peeled her clothes off, took a sonic shower and went to bed. Only when her head hit the pillow did she realize that she hadn’t eaten anything all day.

She went back to the kitchen to quickly replicate something nutritious and ate it quickly. She was back in bed and trying to fall asleep, but she couldn’t. She was afraid of the nightmares, she was tired of the screams for help echoing in her mind, she thought she would break if she had to relive it again.

++++

But break she didn’t. Another two hours of accidental sleep interspersed with night terrors, a big dose of caffeine and stimulants later she found herself back at the hospital. The only thing she could think of was seeing Nyota again, holding her hand and going to sleep on her shoulders. She couldn’t wait for her lunch break.

When it came, she went to Jim’s room, but she wasn’t there. Disappointed she went to the cantina, she should take better care of herself, she is no use to anyone if she passes out during shift because she forgets to eat. Her day was a dull blur after that, the exhaustion was finally catching up to her and she couldn’t wait to get home. When her shift was over, she took the longer route out of the building, to see if maybe Nyota was outside Kirk’s room, but she wasn’t there. For the second time that day she left that corridor with a pang in her chest.

++++

She had just put her coat down when her communicator went off. She answered and to her surprise, it was Nyota on the other end.

“Hi!” she said, “How are you doing?”

Chris was kind of shocked, she didn’t know what to say, “You didn’t come today…”.

There was a chuckle at the other end, “Yeah, there were briefings at HQ all day long.” She sounded disappointed, “Do you want to hang out?”

“Yes, what do you have in mind?” Chris was already putting her coat back on when she realized that she was still wearing her scrubs. She definitely needs a shower first.

“We could order pizza? Watch a holo maybe?”

“That sounds good, give me half an hour to make myself presentable.”

Nyota agreed and said goodbye. Chris was in and out the shower in record time and on her way over to the address Nyota sent her.

She rang the door chime and was greeted by Nyota. She was wearing sweats and a big sweater, her hair in a messy bun on her head, she greeted her with a bright smile.

They sat on the couch with a large pizza going cold between them and talked about their days. Nyota told her about the endless briefings with the admiralty, about how they just looked at them with their oafish faces, barely comprehending what they were being told, how Spock stormed off when it became clear that the admiralty was planning on sweeping the whole thing about Khan under the carpet, how she actually told them to go fuck themselves. She looked especially proud of that one.

Then Chris told her about her day, too, about the kid who got lost in the hospital and she took half her morning looking for her parents only to find out that the kid’s mother was in a coma and she was to be taken by child protective services, how the little girl cried into the shoulder of her scrubs as she was taken by a stranger. She told her about going to find Nyota, and that she went to the cantina for the first time in a week after that. They talked for so long that it got really late, so Nyota offered her the couch for the night and she took it.

Chris felt like she could actually sleep for the first time since this whole mess began. Nyota gave her some pyjamas to change into, and they brushed their teeth side by side in the bathroom.

Chris was asleep maybe an hour before her nightmares crept in and woke her, but this time there were no weeping children and no people trapped in burning buildings, it was just Nyota in a puddle of blood laying lifeless right before her. She was so scared, she went to Nyota’s bedroom and snuck in through the open door, she had to make sure that she was okay. Chris sat down at the foot of Nyota’s bed and lay her head against the bedframe. Things were getting out of hand, she desperately needed sleep, but it would just torture her with feelings of guilt and uselessness and leave her even more tired. She listened to the even breaths of Nyota and without realizing she fell asleep right there, sitting on the floor next to the bed.

++++

She woke a couple of hours later, feeling better than in the last few days, she slowly got up off the floor and was glad to see that Nyota was still sound asleep. It would have been mortifying to be found out. She quietly left the room and went back to the couch, morning was not far away so she quietly dressed and after leaving a note for Nyota she left. She needed to go home and change into work clothes. For the first time that week it didn’t feel like a challenging task, she felt rested.

Work that day was almost normal, almost like it used to be. She treated broken fingers and bruised bones and concussions and the common cold and for the first time since this whole mess began it felt fulfilling. During her lunch break she went to see Nyota, but she wasn’t there again, feeling a little disappointed she went to actually have lunch. The afternoon went much the same as the morning, with more common injuries and more satisfying work. When she finished her shift, she had a message from Nyota: Would you like to come over?

She called Nyota, who picked up on the second ring with an eager “Hey!”.

“I need to drop home to change but then I can come over. Do you want me to bring something to eat?”

“Actually, I already ordered in, so if you don’t want to eat cold Chinese you should just come here now! I can lend you some clothes.”

Chris agreed, she was hungry and tired, and she didn’t care about how she looked at this point. Nyota only lived a couple of blocks from the hospital so she was there in no time, Nyota opening the door wide the moment she rang the bell.

They sat on the couch talking, Chris didn’t have time to change out of her scrubs before the food order came in. They talked about their days, Chris relating a joke one of her patients told her that had both of them in a fit of laughter.

Then they went quiet, Chris realized that this was the first time that she’s laughed in over a week, and suddenly felt such overwhelming guilt wash over her that it took her breath away. How could she sit here laughing when not one week ago so many people lost their lives? Nyota probably saw the joy wash away from her features because she was suddenly closer, her hands taking Chris’ and folding them between them. She didn’t say anything, they both just stared at their hands holding onto each other.

Nyota broke the silence, “I went to see Jim today.” She sounded tired. Chris looked at her, but she wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I told him about Spock and me. I thought maybe…” She looked sad. “I thought maybe if he knew he would wake up. I know it’s foolish, but I really expected him to do that.”

Chris squeezed her hands a bit, “It’s not foolish. If anyone would do that it is Jim Kirk.” She tried.

Nyota looked up, her eyes teary, then her lips stretched in a watery smile. “That’s what I was thinking too.” She said. They shared a quiet chuckle between them and spent the rest of dinner in comfortable silence.

After dinner Chris changed into the clothes Nyota put out for her and they settled in on the couch to watch some old earth movie. Some time later they found themselves propped up against each other, their bodies touching from shoulder to hip, Chris had one leg thrown over Nyota and the other hanging off the couch. It was so nice, she felt her eyes start to droop, and soon she fell asleep against her friend’s warm body.

Nyota must have dozed off too because when morning came with its harsh lights she was twisted around Christine, they were cuddled together on the couch Nyota half on top of her, her head pillowed on her chest, a leg thrown over her at the hip. Chris was afraid to move, she didn’t want this to end, but she had to get to work. She carefully extricated herself from under Nyota and laid the blanket on her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful. Quickly Chris changed back into her work clothes from yesterday, left the borrowed clothes neatly folded on the counter and left.


	3. Chapter 3

Once showered and dressed for work Chris walked to the hospital, ready for a new day, rested and eager to help. It was barely an hour after her shift started that the news came, that Jim Kirk was awake. She knew that Nyota would be there, so she went to see her. The usually empty corridor where Jim’s room was, was now filled with people, everyone who could spare a moment came to see the hero and wish him well. But no one got to do so, Chris was sure that Leonard would not allow anyone in there.

She couldn’t see Nyota, she must have already gone inside, she thought and went back to her duties. She would check back on her lunch break. That however never happened, she was called in to the OR for a three-hour-long surgery to assist, and by the time it was over she was tired to the bone, she didn’t have time to go to lunch, she stayed in the ER until the end of her shift.

Exhaustion caught up with her just as she was leaving. There was a suspicious lack of communication from Nyota, but she was so tired that she couldn’t even think about why that bothered her. She got home, quickly showered and got ready for bed. But sleep wouldn’t come, she was tossing and turning and getting really annoyed at the whole thing.

When she did fall asleep, she was almost immediately consumed with nightmares and she woke not long after, crying into her pillow. She spent the rest of the night scared and lonely. The next day she would have her day off and the prospect of being alone with her thoughts scared her, with nothing to occupy her mind she was sure that the nightmares would haunt her waking hours too. She dreaded the next day.

++++

When morning came, she stayed in bed and cried, for the first time since the ship crashed into the academy, she allowed her grief to overwhelm her. She lost so much, all the friends that she had on campus, all the doctors and nurses and other colleagues who worked in the academy medical wing, all the young cadets, all the civilians. She cried for them all, she cried for all the people she was too late to help, all the people who died in her arms while she desperately tried to help.

She had been crying for hours, her eyes puffy and red from the tears and her body shaking from the effort of it all. She barely heard when the doorbell went off.

“Go away!” she shouted, her voice cracking halfway through, hoping that whoever it was would just let her be. But the chime sounded again and there was a knock too, so she got up and went to the door, pulling her blanket with her to shield her from reality.

“Enter.” She croaked, her voice frail and quiet from all the crying. The door opened to reveal a very haggard looking Nyota.

“Can I come in?” she asked softly. Chris nodded and went back to her bedroom. She didn’t have the energy for a social call, but she also didn’t want to be alone. She hoped Nyota would follow, and she did. Chris burrowed back in bed, pulling the blanket tightly around her body and felt the bed dip as Nyota sat down on the edge.

“Do you want to tell me?” Nyota asked in a hushed voice. Chris just shook her head.

“I’ve been trying to reach you all day, I was worried.” Chris felt guilty, but it barely registered, she was starting to feel empty. Now that her friend was here, she seemed to be all out of tears, so she closed her eyes and just listened to Nyota’s breathing, soft and steady and alive.

“I’ll make you some tea.” She said and left the room. Chris had no idea what to do, she felt awkward just laying there but she also didn’t have the capacity to do anything else. She was just starting to beat herself up about it when Nyota came back with two mugs of steaming chamomile tea. She reached one toward her, but when she didn’t move to take it, she put it on the bedside table. Nyota climbed in bed next to Chris, propped up against the headboard and started sipping her tea in silence.

After a while Chris was starting to feel the emptiness creep in, but she didn’t want it, she wanted to feel, she wanted to be real, so she reached out a hand from under the blanket and grasped Nyota’s hand that was lying between them. She looked up to see Nyota gently smiling at her, she scooted down then to be level with Chris and faced her fully. They lay there for a long time like that, just looking at each other, holding hands, until Chris fell asleep.

++++

When she woke up Nyota was still there, still holding her hand, looking peaceful as she slept. She watched her sleep for a while, then let her hand go and got up. She took her cold tea to the kitchen and heated it up, she was sitting on the couch sipping it and letting the warmth spread around her body, seep into her bones and taw her soul, when Nyota emerged from her room. She looked confused, until she saw Chris. She sat down next to her.

Without meaning to Chris started talking, she told her about what it was like to see that ship crash into the bay, how terrifying it was, the screams that filled the air. Then the orders that came, emergency evacuation and then how the rescue teams were shuttled in. How that few minutes ride felt like an eternity. The ash and dust and smoke that became this world of death around her. She told her about the first person she found, how they died within minutes while begging for their mother. She recalled the screams that filled the air, the smell of blood, how her scrubs looked with all those different colors of blood and dirt on it. By the end of it, she was barely whispering the words.

Then it was quiet for a while.

Nyota took her hand and told her what it was like for them. How she saw people she has worked with being torn out of the ship into space to die a horrible death, how she knew the moment that Kirk disappeared from the bridge that she would never see him again. How Spock’s scream after Jim died tore into her soul. When she was begging Spock, to not kill Khan, and that the only thing that could break him out of his blood rage was Jim’s name. She told her what it felt like to wait, to not know if Jim will live. What it took to go every day to his room and not go in. What it took when she did go in and he was still not okay.

By the end of it she was openly sobbing. She was crushing Christine’s hand with hers, but it was okay. Chris pulled her in, and they cried together for each other. They fell asleep on the couch, holding hands.

Later they moved to the bed where Nyota climbed in beside her and they snuggled in close to each other. Tomorrow they would have to deal with their grief, they would have to fight through another day, they would struggle but keep going, and most importantly they would do it together.

It would be a while yet until they both healed, it would take time and effort and a lot of support from friends and family, but soon they would be okay. And soon they would spend the nights cuddled together and talk about the silly and the happy and the fun memories, too.

**Author's Note:**

> There are descriptions of the tragedy, and what it was like to be a first responder at the Vengeance crash site.  
The incident is also described from the point of view of Nyota.  
Symptoms of PTSD are discussed and described.  
If you need further information feel free to message me.  
Thank you for reading, feedback and kudos are love :)  
You can find me on tumblr @ kotekru


End file.
